Ok kink confession here – I am v into chub kink/feedism/gaining etc and ya girl here actually went for it and gained 100 lbs and now I’m living my best life and I’m so happy that im fat af

Congrats! If you’re in a place where you’re comfortable with your body, feel beautiful, and are delighted with yourself, then you’re doing better than SO MANY people out there. This is especially true if you’re interested in looking/feeling a way that isn’t as accepted. So I’m delighted for you that you’re feeling great about yourself!!! (Also I’m sure you’re hot as heck).

[It’s Sleepover Saturday]

I just got my first tattoo today and I’m so excited about it! If you could get any tattoo without worrying about cost, and ensure all colors/designs would be perfect, what would you get?

OH MY GOD CONGRATS DARLING!!!

I actually have a list of tattoos I want that I’m slowly working my way through. I get about one a year-ish, because that’s reasonably within my budget. 

The big one that I really one, that I’ve had in mind for almost a decade, is a complex one of a scarab beetle transforming into a raven in several stages. I want it to stretch across the side of my back and up to my left shoulder (the right already has a tattoo). In terms of style, I’d like it to look like a set of illustrations from an old naturalist’s book – very victorian, as though this was a real scientific phenomenon that was being displayed. It would be black and grey – all of my tattoos are black and grey, and I’m not planning on getting any colors ever. 

While that’s the tattoo I want the most, I’m currently in the process of thinking out whether I want to get another tolkien quote next, or get a botanical illustration.

[It’s Sleepover Saturday]

I’m really bothered by what seems like a friend lying to me. This person used to read and comment on my fic, and vice versa, but then they stopped. They said it was because they were “busy” and barely had time to read anything. Then in later conversations they’d tell me how they’d read some fic from several fandoms they aren’t even involved in, 120k of another fic, and how they’ve re-read another fic they love 3 more times recently. It’s okay if someone doesn’t want to read my stuff, but why lie

Hmmm. Sounds like you and your friend are having trouble communicating.

I mean, I think that it’s possible, even probably, that they’re not lying. They’re too busy to read new things, or things for the fandoms they’re emotionally involved in, but have enough time to read things that aren’t going to get them emotionally involved, or that they’ve already read. That’s absolutely a distinction that is possible – I’ll often be too busy for new fics, but easily have enough time for my “comfort fics.”

That being said, it’s also possible that they feel uncomfortable telling you that they don’t want to read your work, and haven’t figured out a way to say that to you. If that’s the case, then it’s important to give them the space to say, “hey, I’m not that interested in your work right now.” That space can come during a frank conversation where you ask them about being busy and what you can do to help, or it can simply occur naturally, during a conversation after you’ve posted new work. It shouldn’t, on the other hand, occur during a confrontation.

Externally, at least, it seems that your friend is either going through a really busy period, or is nervous for some reason that you’re going to be very unhappy with them. If you make sure they know that you care about them no matter what, then that might help both or either of these things.

[It’s Sleepover Saturday]

idk if this is a confession so much as me trying to decode my weird fucking brain, but I’ve realized that like.. I can look at a male actor and think ‘eh he’s really not my type, i’m not into it like, at all’ and move on. But as soon as I start to get into a fandom that involves that same actor/character, it’s like the mere power of suggestion suddenly makes him insanely attractive to me. And I don’t really know why. Am I just a horny lemming??

Nah! I see no horny lemmings here. (Side note: lemmings are only horny sometimes – their population levels and birthrates are chaotic)

When we get into a fandom, we attach stories to the actors and characters in that fandom. We also tend to spend time learning details about an actor, some of us more than most (I honestly know hardly anything about many of the actors in fandoms I’m in, but some about a random few). Anyway, we learn more about them, rather than simply recognizing their appearance as attractive.

For many, many people, this changes an aesthetic appreciate for an actor into an actual attraction. They become “real” people, rather than pretty pictures to admire, and thus they are people we can actually admire. It makes a lot of sense that when you get involved in fandom, you find people more attractive.

It also helps that a community of people telling you “x is good looking” influences you. Many of our ideas of beauty are culturally created, and fandom is a perfect example of community and culture.

So I’d bet that your experience is more common than you think!

[It’s Sleepover Saturday]

As a a writer, how do you deal with comments that are well intentioned but perhaps not well thought out– complimenting the work while comparing other work in the in the fandom unfavorably with it. I saw this for the first time on something I’d written recently. It was not calling out a specific work but implying that other fics would do well to emulate mine. I don’t like that idea at all and I think it creates bad feelings. How would you respond?

Ugh, I totally know what you’re feeling. It is horribly awkward, and I definitely understand why it can be difficult to figure out what to say.

I’d probably say something like “Thank you for reading. Our fandom has a lot of wonderful fics, all of them different, and I’d hate if they were all exactly like mine.”

I don’t necessarily think that’s the only way to respond – you could be more firm about how you appreciate the diversity of works in the fandom. I try to avoid controversy in the comments of my fic – I’ve had arguments play out in them before because I leave comments unmoderated. That being said, I also think it’s important to acknowledge, in a polite way, that you don’t agree with that kind of comment, if only so other writers who are reading your comment section understand.

In any case, I completely agree with you that this sort of comment is incredibly unpleasant, and doesn’t acknowledge the wide variety of writers who can all be active in a fandom at one time.

[It’s Sleepover Saturday]